Internet of Intimate Things


Last week I read this news story about vaginal rejuvenation surgery very closely (time wise) after seeing some Twitter items about the Internet of Things. I’m one of these people that draws mental connections between things, but I also tend to have a very juvenile sense of humour (there’s a horny adolescent lurking in here somewhere). Of course, I naturally thought “Hey! Marital aids should be connected to the internet.”

Now, I’m not 100% certain, but I’m pretty certain that there’s a few OBGYN’s out there who could team up with some sensor manufacturer and an adult toy manufacturer to build a marital aid that could measure what’s measurable and significant in helping to diagnose women’s health issues, then hook it to the web and send the stats (properly secured) to healthcare providers. Up the creep factor a bit and you’ve got some pretty intimate, 1-1 advertising opportunities there, too. I’m not certain that’s a good idea, though. Remember the retailer that told some teenager’s dad that she was pregnant? That didn’t go so well.

Scales, electric toothbrushes, thermometers, ear wax vacuum-sucker things … If / when connected to the internet, any of these things that many of us use on a daily basis open us up to truly helpful yet intrusive interactions. I don’t wanna be on my scale and receive ads for some weight loss clinic.

Anyways, what started out as a puerile dirty joke kinda got me thinking …

Samsung’s latest offerings (phone and watch) include a heart rate monitor. Could you hook it up like GM’s OnStar and contact emergency services if there’s a sudden change in BPM? Sure. Hell, combine it with the pedometer function and get some advice and ads targeted to your running goals / achievements.

Walk into any number of retailers today and they offer free wifi, distribute iBeacons, and track your every move through the store.  Linger too long near the heartburn medicine then head to deep-fried, spicy goodness? Get a message telling you to head to fruits and veggies instead.

It’s easy to envision the day when you’re watching your smart TV, wearing your Google glasses and you suddenly receive a message from Health Canada or some political party, based on your programming choices and number of hours sitting on your duff.

My point is that there are endless possibilities and opportunities to positively impact the quality of life for all of us, by making use of technology (the devices and the data). On the other hand, how intimately do we want to be monitored and marketed to? Are we okay with having our intimate, personal, private moments being leveraged to sell us something or to advise us to take a certain course of action? How far is too far?

We bitch and moan about privacy but we demand immediacy and relevance from those selling and serving us. Personally, I’m sort of okay with being “advised” by brands when I’ve opted in. I’m not certain I’d be too cool with walking into an adult emporium and getting suggestions based on previous boudoir activities.

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